


I Gotta Get Better

by ishiplouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Break Up Talk, Established Relationship, Fluff, Getting Back Together, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-23 21:29:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15615423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishiplouis/pseuds/ishiplouis
Summary: “He’s going to love it,” Harry said, admiring the engagement ring in its velvety box he had just purchased.“I hope so, H! So when do you plan to do this?” Gemma asked, taking a sip of her vanilla latte.“Ugh, I don’t know. I thought about next Friday maybe?” Harry replied. He was very uncertain on how to proceed, to be honest. Louis was very unpredictable, always was. He also liked to cancel plans to create new ones, like inviting people over when they had decided on a quiet evening just the both of them. Harry understood early in their relationship that nothing was set in stone when it came to Louis.“You know what?” Gemma intervened. “I’m going to do it tonight.”“Tonight? But do you at least have a plan?” Harry wasn’t even that surprised. She had always been the impatient one. When she wanted something, she put all her efforts into making it happen.Or the one where Harry is ready to propose but things don't go according to the plan.





	I Gotta Get Better

**Author's Note:**

> All the love to Zee (womanwiththeredrose) who helped me from start to end and was just a wonderful beta! To dimpled-halo and ponymomstuff who also helped me with betaing my fic. Thank you!

_Meet me in the hallway_

_Meet me in the hallway_

_I just left your bedroom_

_Give me some morphine_

_Is there any more to do?_

 

_Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door_

_Hoping you'll come around_

_Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor_

_Maybe we'll work it out_

 

_I gotta get better, gotta get better_

_I gotta get better, gotta get better_

_I gotta get better, gotta get better_

_And maybe we'll work it out_

 

_I walked the streets all day_

_Running with the thieves_

_'Cause you left me in the hallway_

_Give me some more_

_Just take the pain away_

_Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door_

_Hoping you'll come around_

_Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor_

_Maybe we'll work it out_

 

_Gotta get better, gotta get better_

_Gotta get better, gotta get better_

_Gotta get better, gotta get better_

_And maybe we'll work it out_

 

_We don't talk about it_

_It's something we don't do_

_'Cause once you go without it_

_Nothing else will do_

 

_****_

“He’s going to love it,” Harry said, admiring the engagement ring in its velvety box he had just purchased.

“I hope so, H! So when do you plan to do this?” Gemma asked, taking a sip of her vanilla latte.

They were sitting in the Costa across from the jewelry shop where they both just picked engagement rings for their respective partners. That had been Gemma’s idea, the whole, _let’s do it together_. Between the two siblings, Harry had always been the one talking extensively about his proposal. From a very young age, he knew that he wanted to find a nice guy and settle down with him, get married and have kids. That was his dream. Gemma was less traditional but she found out two weeks ago that she was pregnant with her boyfriend of one year, and one evening while Harry was texting her about his ideal proposal, Gemma, who was certainly tired of hearing about it again, asked him why he was waiting to propose to Louis.

And so it began.

“Ugh, I don’t know. I thought about next Friday maybe?” Harry replied. He was very uncertain on how to proceed, to be honest. Louis was very unpredictable, always was. He also liked to cancel plans to create new ones, like inviting people over when they had decided on a quiet evening just the both of them. Harry understood early in their relationship that nothing was set in stone when it came to Louis.

“You know what?” Gemma intervened. “I’m going to do it tonight.”

“Tonight? But do you at least have a plan?” Harry wasn’t even that surprised. She had always been the impatient one. When she wanted something, she put all her efforts into making it happen.

“Yeah, why not?” She shrugged. “I’ll figure something out. Plus I have to tell Josh about the baby so I don’t have all the time in the world.”

So they decided that Gemma would go with her gut and propose that evening and Harry would try to have Louis free of any obligations next Friday so he could do the same.

They separated minutes after that, exchanging good luck wishes and promises to keep each other updated.

***

“Lou, give me the remote!” Harry was trying to reach the remote in Louis’ left hand but the little shit was stretching his arm as far as possible.

“There’s no way you’ll get it!” Louis giggled trying to avoid Harry’s tickle attacks. “Football isn’t that bad, I promise you’ll enjoy tonight’s match, babe!”

Harry’s face went through different emotions upon hearing that, but it settled on determination. “There is no way that I'm watching a match again tonight, it’s been three nights in a row, Lou!” He tried one more time to reach the remote when his phone on the coffee table started to vibrate incessantly, cutting the wrestling short.

Louis was the first one to reach it and picked up the phone without checking the caller ID.

“Harry’s phone, Louis speaking,” he said in a cheerful tone, smirking at Harry who was now trying to grab his phone. “Oh, hi, Gems, how are you?” Louis’ face changed from over-excited to really concerned in a microsecond. “Yes, he’s here, I’ll put you through.”

Harry took the phone right away and stood up from the couch. “Gem, hi, it’s me. What's wrong?” Harry was panicking slightly hearing his sister sobbing on the phone; he had never heard or seen his sister sobbing and hyperventilating like that. He was usually the one to do that while she was the one consoling him.

“Gemma, breathe for me please. In and out, c’mon, in and out.” He paced the living room feeling Louis’ eyes on him, football match forgotten and muted on the TV.

“He left me, H,” Gemma cried, in between blowing her nose loudly. “I proposed and he left me, I’m- I’m-”

“Oh god, Gemma I’m so sorry. I’m coming right now, okay, love?” Harry slid a nervous hand into his hair while gathering his car keys and shoes. “Are you at your flat right now?”

And just like that he left the flat, leaving Louis without explaining what just happened.

***

He arrived at Gemma’s flat exactly eleven minutes later thank God she decided to move from Manchester to London to live in Harry’s area. He didn’t bother beeping at the digicode downstairs and typed the code he already knew by heart.

He already had the key for his sister's door ready by the time he reached her flat. He found his sister curled up on the couch surrounded by hundreds of used tissues.

“Oh my God, Gemma, I’m so sorry,” he said while sitting down next to her and hugging her from her side. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” he murmured, his head resting on her shoulder.

“I don’t know, H,” She sniffled, “After I left you, I went back here and made dinner. Everything was fine until the end of the meal. The moment I bent down on one knee his face went pale.” She paused to blow her nose before continuing “He said that for him we were just casual, nothing serious. He said he was seeing other people and that he hated commitment.”

Harry was softly stroking her back, unable to believe what he was hearing. The cowardice of this guy! If he was hearing this correctly, they’ve dating for a year and during this one year, the guy had been fooling around the entire time. How many other people was he involved with?

“H, what am I gonna do with my baby?” Gemma whispered, crying some more.

“Hey, Gems, it’s okay, I’m here, and mum is here, we’ll help you as much as we can,” Harry said cupping her cheeks.

“I can’t do that to you, H, you have your life with Louis and-”

“Oh shit, Louis!” Harry interrupted her, standing up abruptly to fish his phone out of his pocket, “I didn’t say anything when I left!”

“Oh no, H, you should get back to him. I can take care of myself, I’m the big sister after all.”

“No way I’m leaving you alone tonight! Just wait two seconds I’m going to ring him.”

Louis was very concerned on the phone while Harry explained what happened. He assured him that he would text him as soon as he could and let him know that he would spend the night at his sister’s.

After hanging up, he kicked off his shoes, picked a duvet on his sister’s couch and snuggled next to her. If Josh wasn’t able to be a man and support his sister, then he would be the rock Gemma needed right now.

***

Harry convinced Gemma to come stay a few days at his and Louis’s flat. They had a guest room and lived nearby so that wouldn’t affect her commute time to work. Harry would be here for her in the mornings and after work, so at least that could cheer her up a bit. Plus now that Josh decided to end things, they needed to figure out a plan for the future.

“Okay, I have put all your stuff in the room. I added a towel and a bottle of water, if you need anything, you know where everything is, or you can ask me any time, Gem. I’m here for you, okay?” Harry was fumbling around the room when he felt a hand on his back.

“H, you need to calm down, okay?” Gemma took both his hands in hers before continuing, “I’m very happy to be here with you. It’s a nice distraction from everything happening right now and a lot better than going back to mum’s who would coddle me way too much for my liking, but you need to relax. I’m not sick, I’m just pregnant and heartbroken, but we made a plan, right?”

Harry smiled sadly and hugged her. “I’m sorry I’m acting all big brother right now. Please let me know if I am too much. I know I tend to be with the people I love, and I love you so much, big sister.”

“It’s okay, love, I know you’re worried for me.” Gemma winked. “Go see your man, now. I’m sure he's dying to know what the heck is going on. I’m going to lie down for a bit. Can you call me for dinner?”

Harry left her room a couple minutes later, after having offered once again if she needed his help with anything. He found himself in his bedroom, ready to go take a shower, because he was suddenly craving hot water to rinse off everything that happened to him in the last 24 hours. He had started to undress in the ensuite bathroom when he heard the front door opening and closing.

“Babe, I’m home!” Louis shouted; he certainly had noticed Harry’s shoes by the door. Harry was completely naked and ready to step into the shower when the bathroom door opened abruptly.

“Hey! Finally I found you!” Louis strode toward him to engulf him into a hug from behind.

“Hey, love, how are you? I’m sorry everything has been hectic recently.” Harry smiled into the embrace. He hadn’t noticed it but he missed Louis. Since he left unexpectedly the day before, he’d had very little contact with Louis. Now, feeling Louis surrounding him, he felt safe.

“I’m fine, how is she?” Louis turned Harry to face him with concern.

“She’s okay now, but it’s a long process. Plus she is pregnant, she’s only six weeks, but still. She has to figure out how she’ll do that on her own.”

“But we’ll be there, did you tell her? I have a lot of experience with kids, we can help her.” Louis’s yearning to help his sister made Harry’s heart melt.

“Of course she knows. I told her, but I think she also wants to do it on her own. She wants to respect that we have our lives and we’re not the parents of her unborn child.” Harry understood his sister to some extent. He would gladly welcome the help but he would like to do it on his own as well.

“Is she gonna stay with us for a while?” Louis asked while removing his clothes. “I’m gonna shower with you if you don’t mind;this heat is killing me.”

“Yeah, c’mon on in.” Harry entered first and started to run the water. “She’s gonna stay for a bit, but I know she doesn’t want to bother anyone and will want to go back to her place in a few days.”

Louis joined him and was sharing the lukewarm water coming from the jets. “Hi.” He smiled, leaning closer to kiss Harry. “Long time no see.” Harry chuckled but let Louis kiss him, feeling Louis putting his hands on his hips to push him gently against the shower wall. The kiss got heated quickly, hot breaths melting together, heartbeats getting faster.

“Lou,” Harry moaned, titling his chin up to give Louis access to his neck. “We can’t be loud.”

Louis didn’t answer but instead kept going on with his kisses and nibbling at Harry’s skin. Before Harry realised what was happening, Louis was sinking to his knees, kissing his hardened shaft.

“Lou, please-” Harry bit back a moan. He felt the tension of the past few days melting from his body, and his brain stopped functioning. “Oh God.” Louis had stopped teasing and was already taking him all in, hollowing his cheeks around his cock. Harry felt his knees buckling from his arousal and the wet heat surrounding his cock.

Louis kept making eye contact with Harry and the sight of him with reddened lips and pupils dilated made Harry’s hips buck forward roughly. “Oh God, sorry Lou, I-” Harry babbled, but was cut short by Louis pinching his thigh to show him that it was okay for Harry to fuck his mouth. So that was what he did, slowly at first so Louis could relax his throat then more frantically until he felt his blood buzzing in his ears, fire pooling low in his abdomen.

“Oh God, I’m gonna come.” Harry attempted to warn Louis but the boy only sucked harder using his hand to stroke faster. Harry came moaning Louis’s name louder than he should have considering his sister was resting in the opposite room. But God, did it feel good!

“That’s okay, you’re alright, I missed you babe.” Louis had stood up to support Harry who was feeling weak to his knees. “Let’s shower, huh.” He said nuzzling into Harry’s neck.

“But you,” Harry rasped, going to touch Louis’ cock which was soft between his fingers, “did you come already?”

He chuckled. “I did. I missed you loads, love, and you know how much I love having your cock in my mouth.”  

They ended the shower minutes after that, both feeling lazy and snuggly but Harry remembered that he actually had a guest who certainly needed to be fed.

“I’m going to cook dinner.” He pecked Louis one more time, before leaving him to go to the kitchen.

***

Gemma was currently having a hard time. Harry had been woken up at four in the morning by the sound of his sister vomiting and crying in the bathroom. Now it was 6am and they were still snuggled together in Gemma’s bed, a bucket near the bed in case Gemma needed to vomit again. Harry had gone to the kitchen twice to prepare them both teas and take all the tissues he could find in his flat. Gemma was inconsolable this morning, the hurt and the stress took a toll on her and Harry was lost for words by now. He kept hugging her and comforting her all he could but nothing worked. So it’s with a heavy heart and tired bones that he left her to go get ready for work.

Louis was laying in bed fumbling with his phone when Harry entered his room and a sudden urge to cry washed over him.

“Hey, love.” Louis sat up as soon as Harry closed the door behind him. “How are you? You were with Gems?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, she’s not feeling her best right now.” He didn’t feel like explaining further and went straight to his side of the wardrobe to get clean clothes.

“Yeah, I get it, it must be so difficult,” Louis murmured, jumping out of bed to hug Harry from behind, arms resting on his waist. Harry’s first reaction was to freeze and stiffen under the attention instead of lean into the touch.

“I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood right now.” He excused himself and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and put his hair in a bun.

Because he felt Louis’ gaze on him, he found himself explaining further:  “I’m sorry I’ve been up since four this morning and I have a whole day of work in front of me. Don’t take it personally but I am really not up for anything right now.”

“It’s okay, H.” Louis had joined him at his own sink in the bathroom. “You never say no to a cuddle but I guess if I was up since arse o’clock in the morning, I would also be easily irritated.”

“I’m not irritated!” Harry snapped. “I know where it would have led and I am not up for that, that’s all.” He left the bathroom, his hair undone, too annoyed with Louis.

“I’m not starting this!” Louis said from the bathroom and that was the final straw, Harry left the room without another word, striding towards the front door to get out of there.

Once in his car, his anger finally started to calm down leaving free rein to tiredness and guilt. He shouldn’t have taken it out on Louis like that. He just felt overwhelmed; his sister had always been his rock and what had happened in the last few days completely knocked him out of his comfort zone.

She was always the one taking care of him. She always had the good advice, tips and perfect ways to comfort him. And why did Josh abandon the mother of his child like that? Harry couldn’t even imagine what it had been like to be down on one knee and be rejected. Harry forced himself to think about something else, already feeling the tears in the corners of his eyes.

***  

Gemma stayed with them three days until she claimed her freedom back just like Harry anticipated it.

“Baby bro, you know I love you, but I really need some me time now.” She was currently packing back her bags, to Harry’s dismay. “And if I need anything, I know where you are,” she added, knowing already what Harry was going to say.

When she finally left, Harry found himself unsure of what to do with himself. He was alone, Louis was still at work or having a pint with his colleagues and it seemed that the little time his sister stayed over was enough for Harry to forget how to spend time on his own. He decided to make himself a cup of tea and sat on the couch to reflect on the last few days.

Now that it was just him and him alone he couldn’t lie to himself or keep himself busy to avoid his biggest concern. He was scared. Scared of rejection. Scared to ruin his relationship with Louis if he proposed and ended up as sad and alone as his sister. He was scared. An irrational fear had started to appear in the pit of his stomach as soon as Gemma called him the other day. Who could say the same wasn’t going to happen to him? Of course, he tried to rationalise. He knew that Louis and him were nothing compared to Josh and Gemma. Harry knew that they were stronger, together for longer first but also their love was stronger, rooted deeper, almost indestructible. At least that was what he thought four days ago. Now… Now everything was messed up in his head.

In times like this, Harry would normally speak to his sister or to Louis directly. His boyfriend was always very wise. But those options were definitely not available right now. How could he speak about it to Louis without arousing his curiosity which would result in the biggest fail in proposal history. He also thought about contacting his mum but she was so biased, she loved Louis like her own son and she would blow up the whole thing in less than one hour.

The slam of the front door startled him out of his thoughts.

“H? You’re here?” Louis shouted earning an eye roll from Harry.

“You don’t need to shout I’m right here!” Harry responded with the same tone as Louis. His boyfriend had gone out for a couple of pints, Harry could tell.

“You don’t like when I yell?!” Louis shouted even louder, coming straight to the couch to crash on Harry’s lap.

“Jesus, Lou, not so loud, I’m right here!” Harry suddenly felt himself bothered by Louis’ insouciance.

Louis frowned, feeling that Harry was done messing around. “What’s wrong, love?” he asked, cupping Harry’s cheek with one hand while the other was playing with his hair.

“I’m fine, I’m just in a mood. It’s okay, it’ll pass.” Harry brushed off quickly, his tone cutting the discussion short. He removed himself from Louis’ grip and stood up. “Did you have a nice evening? You went out?” Harry asked to divert the attention on to something else.

Louis’ frown got deeper but he responded, “Yeah, went out with some colleagues, it was nice. Is your sister still here?”

Harry felt his anger rise again and he snapped, “Why? Did it bother you that much to have my sister over?” Before Harry could even finish his sentence, he saw Louis’ face falling. This was bad. He was starting an argument and he didn’t know why. Before Louis could respond, he tried to rectify the situation. “God, I’m sorry. I’m stressed out, okay? I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“Harry, look at me please,” Louis insisted, but Harry was stubborn and continued to fumble with his cup of tea. “Harry, can you look at me, please?” Louis’ voice remained calm which infuriated him even more.

“What? I say I’m sorry, is it not enough?” Harry was being a brat. A fucking idiot too.

“Okay, you know what? I don’t want to fight with you and I won’t. So when you’re calmer and want to talk to me you can. You can come to me on your own terms. I’m not the enemy. I’m on your side, whatever it is that is bothering you right now.” And with that, Louis left him alone in the kitchen, slamming their bedroom door shut behind him.

“Fuck!” Harry hissed, taking his face into his hands. Suddenly he needed air, he needed to breathe. So without thinking much more than that, he took his keys, put his shoes on and left the flat.

He didn’t really know where to go so he just walked haphazardly, his steps unconsciously leading him towards his sister's flat.

He hesitated two minutes before pulling his phone out of his pocket and messaged his sister to see if she was there. She responded almost instantly that she was so he buzzed her downstairs.

“What are you doing here so late?” Gemma welcomed him with a hug on the threshold but with a scold painted all over her face. “I’m fine, I told you you don’t need to babysit me!”

They both entered the flat, Harry closing the door and removing his shoes, “I’m not here to check up on you Gem, I’m here because I needed some air.”

“Oh.” Gemma frowned but tapped lightly next to her on the couch so his brother could join her. “Are you alright, love?” Harry laid his head onto his sister’s shoulder and said nothing for a while before murmuring, “I started a fight with Lou.”

“Why, love?” His sister asked running her fingers through Harry’s curls. He was so comfy right now, he could almost fall asleep. At least, if he didn’t have this anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“I’m scared, Gems, I’m so scared that I’m going to end up alone,” he whined, the “like you” implied. He felt bad to come bothering his sister when she had so many troubles to deal with already.

“Why, would you be scared of such a thing, babe? Louis would never leave you! You should see how he still looks at you after four years, you’re his everything, I’m telling you.”

“I don’t know.” Harry sat back up, facing his sister, “I know this is not rational and I know I should just speak to him about it, I know that Gems, I just can’t! I would ruin everything!”

“God, H, you need to get it together! If you’re scared that the same as what happened to me will, don’t be! Josh had never the same potential than Louis!”

Harry took his face into his hands in frustration. “I know, I know, Gemma.”

“Now that you’re here, should we watch something and have a cosy night in together?” Gemma seemed so eager that Harry nodded his approbation. He definitely needed some entertainment right now in order to not drown in his own thoughts.

He stayed with his sister for three hours, finally releasing all the pressure he didn’t even know he was bearing on his shoulders. They made popcorn, drank lots of tea, and laughed their hearts out during episodes of Will & Grace.

Harry found himself walking back home around eleven that night, his heart feeling a little bit more light than when he came to his sister’s.

  


***

The day after, Louis cornered Harry at six am.

“So, where did you go yesterday?” Louis was still in bed beside him, wearing his glasses while checking his phone.

Harry rubbed his eyes opened, checking the time on his phone placed on his nightstand, “I was at Gemma’s, didn’t I text you?”

Harry felt the bed moving and a warm body on his back. “No, you didn’t, but I assumed.” Louis was kissing his naked shoulders while rutting his crotch into Harry’s ass languidly. “Do we need to speak about yesterday?” he asked trailing his kisses into Harry’s neck.

“ I told you I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it on you like that.” Harry suddenly felt like he was suffocating with Louis’ warm body plastered on his side, he slowly sat up and disentangled himself from Louis’ grip. “I’m sorry I need to go to work and I need to shower.”

But Louis was quicker and pinned him against the bed. “Okay, enough now!” Harry saw anger and confusion in Louis’ eyes which fuelled his own, “Speak to me, Harry, and tell me what’s wrong, and don’t tell me it’s nothing, okay? At the moment you’re either avoiding me or looking for a fight.”

“Louis, please, I don’t have time for that. I said I was sorry.” Harry tried to sit back but Louis’ hand that remained on his chest pinned him harder into the mattress.

“Bullshit. I know you, Harry. There’s something wrong and you are choosing not to tell me.”

“Louis, please, I’m losing my patience here. I have nothing to say and if you could move I could go take a shower and-”

“Fine, if you rather lie to me.” Louis interrupted him, removing his hand from Harry’s chest abruptly and jumping already out of the bed walking towards their ensuite bathroom. “You can join me in the shower.”

Harry released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Fuck, what was wrong with him? He was slowly but surely screwing up everything. Why couldn’t he act normal now? Why couldn’t he stop being scared and just go with his initial plan?

In the end, Harry was late for work, not showering with Louis, but waiting for his turn, earning him a long stare from Louis when he came out of the shower. No comment was needed. Harry knew what he was thinking. Not sharing a shower was a sign that something was wrong. Normally they would gladly share a shower under the pretext to waste less water but it was really an excuse to just to be closer a little longer.

Louis left for work without another word spoken, they didn’t even kiss good morning or goodbye, Harry wanted to cry all day long.

***

The same weird mood stayed up for a week or so, Harry refusing to open up and Louis just glaring at him as if he was waiting for something that wouldn’t come up. They were both stubborn and remained silent. Harry found himself sleeping a few nights at Gemma’s flat for fear of confrontation with Louis. He knew he was being an idiot, and that it was all his fault. Gemma kept pestering him about his lack of communication and threatening to go talk to Louis if Harry didn’t do it himself.

Louis tried again anyway. Harry had just arrived from work one evening and he was faced with Louis in the kitchen. Louis had always had the habit of drinking a cuppa right when he came home. So that’s where he found him, leaning on the kitchen counter, drinking his cup of tea.

“Hey,” Louis greeted him quietly. “How was your day?”

“Hi. It was okay, I guess.” Harry shrugged. Honestly, he was so tired of everything, he just wanted to lie down on his bed already.

“Are you willing to talk to me now, or are we still pretending nothing is happening with you?” Louis crossed his arms against his chest, his eyes searching Harry’s gaze.

Harry just shook his head and started leaving the room but Louis was not finished apparently. “Harry, please! I’m begging you! Talk to me!”

Harry stopped in his tracks and walked back to the kitchen, “I have nothing to say, okay, I’m just-,” he hesitated, “I’m just-”

“You’re just what?” Louis asked insisting. Harry caught sadness in Louis’ eyes, his beautiful beautiful blue ocean eyes. Harry wanted to cry, he loved Louis with everything he had, he was his everything since they met a little bit over four years ago. From the start, they fit so perfectly, everyone around them wondered how it was even possible. And now. Now Harry was screwing up everything.

“Please, Louis, I can’t talk about it with you right now,” Harry murmured, feeling tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Can I hug you?” Louis asked already coming closer, his arms wide opened. Harry only nodded, letting Louis wrap his arms around him. Louis was the more touchy feely in their relationship and he couldn’t even start to understand how it must feel to have  been starved of touch all week. Harry felt awful and let himself cry on Louis shoulder for what felt like hours. When the sobs finally stopped, and Harry lifted his head off Louis’s shoulder, sniffing and hiccuping, cheeks red and eyes puffy, Louis cupped Harry’s face in his hands.

“Baby, I’m sorry you’re hurting like that and that you can’t speak to me about it,” he started, caressing Harry’s cheeks with his thumb. “I wish I could help you, H, because I’m hurting too, baby. I can see something is wrong, but if you don’t open up I can’t help you.”

And that, that set Harry’s fire back. “I don’t need your help, Louis, I’m fine! You’re always pushing me to talk but I’m not ready!” he snapped, storming out of the kitchen. Fucking hell, why did Louis had to pressure him all the time? Why did he have to know everything at all times?!

“For fucksakes, Harry I can’t do this with you!” Louis yelled, coming right after Harry. “Can’t you see that we are going straight to the wall with your fucking behaviour of closing yourself up?!”

“Oh, because everything is my fault, of course! Everything is on me, isn’t it?” Harry yelled back.

“Well, it’s not mine!” Louis retorted, coming closer to Harry. “I can’t continue like this Harry! One week without talking or even touching each other- do you think that’s normal? Do you think I can continue like that forever?”

“Well, if I am the damn problem, why don’t you leave then!” Harry stumbled and hit the wall with his back with the force of his words. _What the hell was he doing?_ He thought, shoving his hair away from his face with a little bit too much force.

“Is that what you want?” Louis murmured, his eyes wide, searching for any sign that he misheard what Harry said.

“No!” Harry exclaimed, “No, no. I mean, I just...” He trailed off, toying nervously with the hem of his tee shirt.

“Oh god, I need some air,” Louis gasped, striding towards the front door, leaving Harry all alone with his thoughts. Only the slam of the door made him jump out of his stupor.

What had just happened?

***

Harry was biting his nails when he heard the front door again. He rose on his feet to go and apologise to Louis. The all thing was completely crazy, completely out of proportion, Harry needed to stop his childish behaviour. However, before he could say a word, Louis spoke.

“I’m just coming to gather some clothes. I’m going to sleep at a colleague’s flat for a while,” he said, not meeting Harry’s eyes, passing him by as if nothing hurt right now.

“Louis, please, I made a mistake, okay? I shouldn’t have yelled and -”

“Leave it, Harry. I don’t know what’s wrong with you at the moment, but I’m clearly unwelcome in your space,” Louis interrupted him, stuffing clothes in a duffle bag. “I’ll be out of your hair in no time, don’t worry.”

“Louis, c’mon this is ridiculous!” Harry approached and tried to stop Louis from putting more clothes in his bag but the other man was quicker and dodged him.

“What’s ridiculous, Harry, is that I am packing a fucking bag right now,” Louis hissed, pointing his finger in Harry’s chest. “What’s ridiculous is that you’re not even capable to let me in a little bit to avoid us breaking up.” His pointer finger was digging a hole in Harry’s chest, and Harry felt himself suffocating without any way to breathe again. “What’s fucking ridiculous is that I was so close, Harry, so fucking close to proposing to you two weeks ago! Thank god we’re not engaged! Thank god I didn’t make this mistake! Look where we are now!”

And what? Louis was going to propose?

“What? What?” Harry mumbled, unable to comprehend what was going on right now.

“When you’re ready to let me know what’s wrong with you, you know my number. Until then...” And just like that Louis left, slamming the door shut behind him, leaving Harry hunched against the wall in a corner of their room crying his eyes out.

Harry stayed like that until his need for a tissue grew too strong. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. Louis had left. Louis had come back to gather some clothes and left. Just like that, he left. Harry had difficulty believing it. Deep down, his mind was telling him that it was just a nightmare, he would wake up in a minute and  Louis would be peacefully sleeping on his side of the bed and everything would be okay again.

Harry wandered in their flat aimlessly until his gaze found the frames and photos on their living room wall and the tears came back in full force. His hands went straight for a picture of Louis and him that they took at the beginning of their relationship. At that time, Harry had long hair and Louis loved to braid it. The picture was just a selfie of Louis showing off his braiding skills on Harry’s hair. He felt so proud there, so happy too.

Harry took the frame in his hands putting it close to his heart, and walked to their bed. He lay down on Louis’s side, inhaling his smell on his pillow and crying some more.

***

He woke with a start his phone ringing somewhere in the flat. The frame was still clutched to  his chest and his cheeks felt dry and stale after the tears had dried out.

He stumbled over his own feet in the search of his phone but successfully found it in on the kitchen counter. He had two missed calls from his sister and three messages all asking him to call her back ASAP.

Gemma picked at the first ring. “Harry? Oh god finally! I have been trying to reach you!”

“I’m here, Gemma, what’s wrong? You seem upset?” Harry furrowed his brows, putting his sister on speaker.

“I just had mum on the phone. What did you do, Harry?” Gemma sounded distressed, but Harry had no idea what happened, and their mum? What?

“I don’t know Gems, I-” Harry tried to speak but his sister cut it short.

“You broke up with Louis, knobhead! How could you? What happened? I don’t understand you sometimes, Harry!” Harry choked on his own spit, what the hell?

“What are you talking about? And how is it possible that Mum knows? Also I didn’t break up with Louis, we just-” Harry hesitated, unsure of how much to tell her. “We are-, he just took some clothes and decided to go sleep at a colleague’s place, okay?” Harry felt the irritation and the tiredness getting the best of him. Why was he been questioned about this anyway? Why people couldn’t leave him alone? It was his problem to deal with, his life!

“Harry, I don’t want to tell you what to do, okay? But right now, I still need to tell you that you need to fix it, okay? You need to talk to him, and if you’re still concerned about what happened to me and how things changed in a split second, I’m telling you it will not happened to you. You can trust me on this, and you can trust Louis too.”

Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I know Gems, I’m going to try and talk to him, I promise.”

He hung up a few minutes later, after another lecture from his sister. While he pocketed his phone he realised he didn’t ask the obvious question: how his mother had been already aware that something was up with him and Louis.

Maybe Louis had talked to his mother, who in return spoke to Gemma. _Typical_ , Harry thought, Louis’ mum and his were good friends since they met three years ago.

The sadness and the guilt came back quickly and Harry found himself once again lying in bed, surrounded by Louis’s smell. He knew he needed to pick up the phone, ask Louis to come here right now so he could explain everything. He felt paralysed, though, his fingers dancing above Louis’s contact name on his phone. The fear and the what ifs came back swirling in his mind and quickly he felt hot tears running down his cheeks. He couldn’t lose Louis. Harry had had boyfriends before, but nothing compared to Louis. The day they met, Harry was still a student, a very stressed and nervous student who thought he had failed his exams. He had been slowly losing his cool that day in the tube when he had felt a hand on his arm. That was Louis. The only person who was courageous enough to try and make contact with someone in the London tube. He asked him if everything was alright and Harry started to cry pitifully, alarming everyone around them. Louis took it upon himself then to take care of him, he made sure he came back home safe. Harry had offered him a tea and the rest was history.

***

The day after, Harry woke up cranky and moody and unwilling to go to work. His phone was saturated of notifications from messages and missed calls but nothing from Louis. Harry felt his heart sank a little bit deeper in his chest. He felt weird, getting up and preparing only one cup of tea, drinking it without Louis groaning next to him that it was too early and that mornings should be forbidden and requests to go back to bed and forget about work. Thankfully, Harry succeeded to not let his tears fall, they remained in his throat, better that nothing.

He found himself doing everything like an automated figure that day, his brain definitely not focused on work, but rather on how to explain to Louis that he had ruined everything just because he was terrified.  

He tried all day to prepare his speech but nothing good enough came to his mind. In the end, he found himself going back to his flat still thinking about it.

As soon he opened the door, he saw him, Louis was there, sitting on their couch, his hands folded on his lap.

“Louis?” Harry felt a smile coming to his lips. “You came back?” In two long strides he approached the couch.

“What is this Harry?” Louis asked, gesturing towards the coffee table. His tone was calm and emotionless which unsettled Harry. He obediently looked over to the coffee table to find the velvety box containing the engagement ring he bought weeks ago.

“What are you doing with that?!” Harry cried, suddenly grabbing the box to hide it behind his back. “Did you rummage through my stuff?”

“I was searching for a pair of socks, Harry! And you didn’t answer to the question! What is it, Harry?” Louis asked again, standing up and looking for the box behind Harry’s back.

“Louis!” Harry tried to elude but Louis was quicker and grabbed the box. Harry crossed his arms against his chest, pouting.

“Why did you have this ring in your socks drawer, Harry?”

“I was going to propose!” Harry retorted, feeling so frustrated and disappointed, his proposal was ruined, everything was ruined. Louis was looking at him like he had grown a second head; he felt on the spot suddenly and considered leaving the flat right now. So he started backing toward the door.

Before he could reach it, Louis was there blocking the front door. “No way, Harry! Don’t even think about it! We need to talk now. I want to know everything.”

Harry shoved his hands in his pockets, eyeing the floor as he mumbled, “There’s nothing to know. I’m just a coward that’s all.”

“Harry, come on, what happened? You were going to propose but something happened, I want to know, babe. Did I do something wrong?” Louis titled Harry’s chin in his pointer finger and Harry saw so much confusion in Louis’ eyes, he just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I bought it at the same time Gemma did and I wasn’t sure when to actually propose. Gemma took the lead, she said she would do it first.” Louis nodded and Harry continued, suddenly feeling freer to be able to tell Louis everything, “I think she wanted to give me some confidence, maybe, doing it first because she was the big sister. I don’t know.”

“She was pregnant too,” Louis said, his eyes kind and finally understanding.

“Yes, that too. Anyway, you know how it ended up and at first I didn’t think too much of it regarding my proposal but I don’t know slowly I got scared and, yeah, that’s what happened.” He finished, fiddling with the hem of his shirt, his eyes everywhere but on Louis’s face. He was not ready to face his disappointment.

Louis hummed and leaned towards him so close that Harry lifted up his head to be face with Louis’s eyes on his lips.

“You’re so ridiculous,” Louis murmured, before leaning some more to finally erase the gap between them, their lips sealed. Harry was so confused but let himself being kiss, closing his eyes and enjoying the warm and soft lips on his.

“So, you’re not mad at me?” Harry finally asked.

“Oh, I’m very mad at you, love,” Louis responded, kissing Harry’s neck and letting his hands wander along Harry’s back. “I’m getting proposed to in the middle of the hallway, next to the front door. I think I deserve better.”

Before Harry could say anything to that, Louis was hungrily pushing him against the wall, his lips attacking his own. The kiss started right off with opened mouths, and Harry found himself moaning in Louis’s mouth every time Louis  bit down on his bottom lip.

“Louis, please.” Harry felt his crotch getting tighter by the minute with Louis’s constant attacks. His cock was filling up nicely with arousal. God, he missed Louis.

“Wait, wait.” Suddenly, Louis stopped and put a hand on Harry’s chest to make some space between them. He looked properly wrecked, his lips swollen and his pupils fully dilated. “I need to say something before we go any further.”

Harry’s face fell, his stomach twisted into knots. Was it the part where Louis was breaking up with him for good?

“You need to talk to me, baby.” Louis smiled, softly caressing Harry’s cheek. “I thought we were good at communicating, but apparently we still need to work on it.”

“I’m sorry, Lou, I don’t know what happened. I thought I couldn’t talk to you because I would ruin my proposal if you were aware I was about to do it.”

“Love, I thought you were cheating on me or worst that you couldn’t stand me anymore. All the times you dismissed me, we didn’t just not talk but we didn’t kiss, touch, have sex- I thought you were done with me, Harry!”

“I would never, Lou, I love you so much, you’re it for me. I thought you knew that.” Louis leaned closer so their foreheads were touching.

“Harry promise me that next time you have a problem, even a small one, you come and talk to me about it?”

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry Lou.” Harry felt the tears brimming his eyes.

“And I’m sorry to have just left, I should’ve fought harder.”

“Can we go in our bedroom? I missed you so much, I slept awfully last night.” Louis only nodded taking his hand to lead him toward their bedroom.

“I didn’t sleep either, babe. How could I without my personal furnace next to me?” He grinned, kissing the tip of Harry’s nose.

“That’s not funny; I got really hot at night, you know I can’t help it,” Harry pouted, kneeling onto the bed. Louis was already removing his clothes, apparently as eager as him to get started.

“What happened to my pillow Hazza?” Louis was eyeing his pillow with his brows furrowed, weird patches of drying tears could be seen all over and Harry fought to take the pillow from Louis’ hands.

“It’s just that I missed you and your pillow smells like you,” Harry pouted. He had removed all his clothes, even his briefs, contrary to Louis. He loved being naked anyway. Currently though, he felt exposed with Louis’s eyes on him with his mouth agape. “What? I was alone and sad, okay?” He tried to defend himself.

“I love you so much!” Louis had suddenly approached Harry and was currently straddling him. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He kept chanting deposing soft kisses all over Harry’s face.

“I love you too Lou, but I would love you more if you were inside of me, please, I need you so bad,” Harry whined, trying to catch Louis’ mouth.

“Yeah? Feeling needy, babe?” Louis rolled his hips on Harry’s crotch. hat made him whimper. “You were very bad though, love, I don’t know if I can give you what you want,” Louis teased, pushing Harry slowly so the boy was now lying down, his hips still moving slowly, giving all the friction Harry’s cock needed.

“Please,” Harry gasped, his hands stroking Louis’s hips lightly .

“Hmmm, I’ll see what I can do,” Louis purred, before taking Harry’s left nipple in his mouth. The sudden hot and wet contact make Harry shiver. Louis kept licking and kissing and teasing Harry’s sore nipples, even biting them, for he knew Harry didn’t mind. “You’re so gorgeous like that, all hot and bothered underneath me.”

Harry’s head pressed into the pillow while he arched his back under Louis’s trail of kisses. Soon enough, Louis had his nose into Harry’s pubes, still teasing with his tongue but never touching Harry’s aching cock. Harry kept whimpering and begging for it, but Louis took his sweet time, kissing everywhere, from the inside of Harry’s thighs to his ankles.

“Please, Lou,” Harry whined, finally giving up on waiting and starting to stroke his shaft with his hand.

“What are you doing?” Louis admonished, tapping Harry’s hand away softly . “It’s mine, not yours- you just stay there and enjoy.” He smirked, asking Harry to turn around and be on his hands and knees.

Harry obeyed and soon enough, was rewarded by Louis hot breath against his bumhole. He bit back a moan in his pillow, arching his back further so his butt was fully in Louis’s face. “Please.”

Louis started with kitten licks all around Harry’s pink hole, loving the way it puckered under the attention. He continued with hungry licks, enjoying the way Harry’s hole was contracting in unison with his moans. “So tight baby, been too long.”

“Please, I need your fingers, please, Lou.” Harry was panting, jerking his head to try to have Louis’s attention, but the boy was focused in eating out Harry as if he was starving.

Finally, Louis removed his face and quickly grabbed the lube they always left on Harry’s nightstand. “You’re ready for me baby?” he asked while generously coating his pointer finger.

When the first finger entered Harry made a strangled noise, his knees buckling.

“So tight, so pretty, love.” Louis kept kissing Harry’s bum cheek while fingering slowly. When the second fingers entered, Harry cried out Louis’s name so loud, the neighbours were certainly now fully aware they were having sex.

Louis continued fingering Harry, setting a quick pace until he found Harry’s prostate. The boy mewled into the pillow, trying to have Louis’s fingers hitting the spot once again, but Louis controlled the pace and made sure to not press Harry’s prostate anymore, only approaching and teasing. He sucked two beautiful hickeys on Harry’s cheeks but stopped when he felt Harry starting to stroke himself once again.

“Don’t touch!” Louis removed his fingers abruptly, and Harry whimpered because of the loss. “Turn around, now babe.”

“Louis, Louis.” Harry was already an incoherent mess, his sweaty hair glued all around of his face.

“I’m right here, baby, you’re okay, love? Still with me?” Louis carded his fingers through Harry’s hair, trying to comb it and unstick it. Harry’s eyes were so glassy with want, Louis couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him.

“I’m okay, please, Lou, I need to come, I’m ready, please,” Harry begged, already trying to grab Louis’s cock and position it in front of his hole.

“Shh! Stop that! We need lube, love, and a condom.” Louis tapped Harry’s away, grinning at his boy’s eagerness.

“No condom, I want to be full of your come.” Harry hastily poured some lube onto his hand, coating Louis’s cock. Louis hissed at the sudden contact, his shaft hardening and filling up some more. “Mmmm, Lou, so big for me,” Harry purred.

“Lie down for me, baby,” Louis breathed out, pumping himself twice before closing the distance between him and Harry’s welcoming hole. “Oh god, so tight for me.” Louis was in heaven, always loved fucking Harry into oblivion. The boy was so responsive.

Harry had his hands behind his tights to allow Louis even more access and clenched his hole every time Louis was sinking in a little further.

“You’re good, baby?” Louis asked with a strangled voice, trying to not come on the spot from how tight Harry was around him.

“Yes, please fuck me.” Harry felt tears pricking his eyes, he missed Louis so much, he couldn’t believe he almost lost the love of his life over his incapacity of speaking up. A few more tears came to his eyes and rolled onto his cheeks. “I love you so much, Louis, I’m so sorry.”

Louis, who was focused in getting a nice rhythm, lifted his head from where it was nuzzled in Harry’s neck. “Baby, it’s okay, it’s all over now.” A sudden thrust right into Harry’s prostate had them crying out in pleasure as Harry clenched his hole harder each time Louis’s cock grazed his sweet spot.

“Lou, I’m gonna come,” Harry mewled, his hands no longer holding his thighs but grippingthe sheets beneath them. He was so close, only waiting for Louis’s approval.

“Yeah, baby, come for me, love,” Louis grunted, stroking Harry’s cock rapidly . They both came at the same time, Harry’s hands flying to cup and press Louis’s asscheeks closer. “Oh god! So good baby!” Louis choked into Harry’s shoulders, biting the soft and sweaty skin there.

Harry was limp under him, a blissful smile on his lips. Louis kissed his cheek, before reaching Harry’s nightstand for some tissues. He removed himself slowly, cupping his cock with some tissues and cleaning up the mess fucking without a condom was.

“Hmmm, I’m leaking,” Harry said with a dreamy expression painted across his face.

“Enjoying it, babe?” Louis grinned. Only Harry would love the feeling of come mixed with lube leaking from his arsehole. “Was full of my come, huh?”

“C’mere!” Harry made grabby hands and Louis could only throw the tissues on the floor before Harry was all over him. “Love you so much.”

“Um, enough to marry me then?” Louis asked cheekily. “I’m still waiting to be officially asked, you know.”

Harry laughed out loud. “Jesus, this is definitely the worst proposal ever! I ruined everything, didn’t I?”

“No, you didn’t! But I’m still waiting, Harold!” Louis started to tickle Harry and the boy squirmed under his attacks.

“Okay, okay, please stop!” Harry captured Louis’s smaller hands in his before sitting face to face with Louis, “Louis, I love you with all my heart and I am glad I didn’t mess everything up because you’re the one for me. Louis, would you like to marry me?”

“Yes! Fucking yes, thousands of times yes!” Louis exclaimed bouncing over while hugging Harry who was knocked over. “Can’t believe we almost broke up, I love you so much, baby,” Louis said, seriously tracing the rims of Harry’s lips with his finger.

“I love you too,” Harry murmured capturing Louis’ finger in his mouth making the other boy giggle.

Harry felt Louis nestling in his neck, his soft hair caressing his chin. “Nap?”

Harry smiled into Louis’s hair, hugging his body closer. “Yeah, baby.” He felt the relief taking over his body the more he fell asleep. Louis was there; no more fighting, no more tears. Harry fell asleep smiling. He was going to marry the man of his dreams.

  


End

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! If you feel like it please leave a kudo and/or a comment! That'll make my day!


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